RANT

Interesting to see how much i will regret this in the morning, if at all. there is no specific point to this entry just more the fact that i feel a random rant is over due about how some people are good and some are mean and bla bla bla. So, here goes, if you read i hope you enjoy. Either that or laugh, but if you hate then just be gone. okay.

I have come to the conclusion that every day our general mood is what shapes how our day will go, for me anyway. Id i'm in a bad mood it sucks, you percieve thing's in a more negative light, feel weaker instead of stronger and let thing's get to you a whole lot more than it should. However, if i am in apositive mood, which is what i obviously aim for majority of the time then i feel amazing, i feel full of life, very little gets me down and i'm more aware of all the tiny little beautiful thing's and expiriences of the day no matter how big on miniscle they are. In the past, say my ex for example i struggled, he was the sort of person that knew how to make anyone love him or hate him and as far as i've heard doesn't have a lot of people in this state who actually like him, yet he says thing's that still get to people. He's a power player, and he knows how to, but instead of using that found wisdom to do good he used it to better himself in a 'this is what i look like on paper' and in a materialistic sense then instead of usuing it to be good, help others and better himself on the inside as a human being. I get walked over quite a lot, but i do try to learn from it, sometimes it takes longer than other times but i still think i do a pretty good job. if i'm rude or hurtful to people i feel guilty for it, i regret it and i generally think less of myself as a person for it. I do make a concious effort as a person to try and do the right thing, to help people when i cane if they need or want it and to put a smile on someones face, especially the people cclose to me.I don't really consider the people closest to me to be the one's taht i've known the longest, not at all. Infact, some of the people that i am closest to i have known for a very small amount of time, but they are the people that put a smile on my face, who are there if i need them to be and who i enjoy spending time with. It's the day to day thing's that bring you together really because whether you're having a good day or a bad day, whether you need advice or you want to give advice - the do it the right way! they're always fun to be around! and if they're a little grouchy i may winge a little but i will try and help.

I can honestly say that this valentines day was my favourite so far, i never really got to have much of a valentines day before, it always seemed more depressing if anything and since i'm more the romantic kind of girl that pretty much sucked. The first valentines day i really got to have was last year with my douche-bag ex who i had to beg to celebrate it with, the highlight of it was that instead of going out partying and leaving me at his because he ddn't want me to be a 'party girl' he chose to stay in with me, the following night i spent hours getting ready trying to look nice nice only to say i looked washed out, we were a halfhour late because he took longer to do his hair than i did then tried to leave the resteraunt because he thought the service took too long. i'm also pretty sure that he ordred for me and left me sitting at the table for long periods of the night so he could go take photos of himself in the bathroom to boost his ego and then spent every serving chatting up our waiter, nice. To be honest, someone asked me recently 'if he was a prick why were you with him' and when i think about it now, i have no idea, if someone hurts you, makes you cry lose belief in yourself and them and cheats on you in the worst possible way ypou can you leave right? of course you do! but i didn't, he had a knack for turning facts into false accusations and making sure you didn't quite know what to believe. Eventually after my birthday i knew i was done and rightfully dumped him via txt msg after months of avoiding him. And it felt fucking good.

Since then i've met some amazing people and learnt a whole lot, i may not be in a situation with which everyone would agree with, but i can tell you one thing, i don't regret it! the expriences in majority of last year, especially the end and the start of this year i fucking love! the thing's i've learnt about myself and others which i didn't know before or maybe even denied is pretty freaking awesome! and my close friends as far as i can see are pretty freaking special people! they're non-judgemental, they know how to party when the time aroises, they're spontaneous and hilarious and all thing's awesomeness! and they put the biggest smile possible on my face on a daily basis!

Starting last week i have written a weekly plan for the next 7 weeks, as the weeks move on i will continue to do so. i won't share what the thing's are but they're big, mostly the thing's that i have been putting off for a long time and generally those are the few thing's i've been worried about or the thing's that have held me back from moving forward. Pretty much, the time is now, the harder the thing's are to do the more motivated i am to try and tick it off and see how far i can get, it is definitely going to be an eventful year!

I'm so over the amount of girls/guys that just fuck people over and play games. i know the saying goes 'don't hate the player, hate the game' but seriously.... grow the fuck up! it takes more courage to be honest and truthful to someone no matter what than it does to be a dick that uses and abuses to their own benefit, and i garantee you one day it is more than likely that they'll get screwed over in return for it. It's as simple as the fact that if they're worth it then they'll prove it, and if they don't then they weren't worth it in the first place. It doesn't matter, stand up, learn from it, take it in your stride and use the expirience to better yourself! 

It is these sort of thing's that make me form my opinion on people and not what school you went to, how much you earn or what label you're wearing, where you live, what you drive, how many friends you have or whether you know someone, who knows someone who knows someone. Grow up, the world it bigger and better than this petty materialistic stuff. So if you can't fix it, fix yourself.

There are so many quotes and motivational people that just seem to thrive, they always seem so happy and have found the perfect balance and that's pretty much my aim and goal and i love it. That is what i continually strive for. I'm not going to neccasarily be better than anyone but i'm definitely going to be the best me i can be. Now, i hope you have enjoyed 'thoroughly' the utter awesomeness and lameness of my rant. the end. xo.